[photo from 1986 at age 35]
Alexander Henricus Johann Wijdekop
May 13, 1951 - April 20, 2023
Where do I start? Actually, this part of the story really starts on this past Valentine's day, when Astrid and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary:
At one point, and "totally out of the blue," I told Astrid I wanted her to go see her brother, Sander,
next year, not after I died (as we had always discussed), but while I was still alive to witness it.
The thought excited us both and we could hardly wait to tell Sander,
living in Winnipeg, Canada, since 1973, and now on Vancouver Island since 1994.
The next day, I told Astrid she shouldn't wait till next year but should go this year,
because who knows what kind of health any of us will be in a year from now!
Two months later, on April 15th, Astrid was on Vancouver Island for 2 weeks to be with her only sibling/brother whom she hadn't seen in real life since 2004, when their mother died here in the Netherlands.
But after 5 glorious days of being together in person, brother and sister, Sander suddenly, and "totally out of the blue," died of a ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm. The surgeon, who spent 1.5 hours trying to save him, said Sander had been a ticking time-bomb for many years. From that, and knowing Sander's greatest fear was dying alone, Astrid has received much peace, believing that Sander waited for her visit to leave this world.
Sander loved to cook and ate as healthily as we strive to do, but...he hated photos of himself,
so it was all Astrid could do to get these photos of him, not knowing they'd be her last.
See the bottom-right bottle of Ardbeg whisky?
On their last day together, after supper, they shared a wee celebration of finally being together again,
with the cheese, chocolate and whisky Astrid brought for him from the Netherlands.
It was their last "healthy" memory before he died at 5:30 the next morning.
Because Sander did NOT have a Will & Last Testament (something they were going to work on together while she was there!), Astrid spent the last 9 days of her visit sorting through 98% of his earthly possessions. Thankfully, she had his best friend of 29 years, Murray, plus the friends across the street, Mike and Val, at her beck and call for everything she needed (crematorium, lawyer, bank, etc.).
And thankfully, through emails and several FaceTimes a day, I was there to help her ride the emotional roller-coaster of her life! Now that she's back home, since April 30th, things are settling down a bit. The ride is slowing down and we're both getting better sleep.
This past Thursday, just 2 days ago, 8 friends gathered at one of Sander's happy places, the Saanich coast near his house, to give their proper Good-Bye:
Mike and Val are the 2 left-end persons in the group photos.
Murray is the one scattering the ashes, with flowers added by the others.
And this is what was read during the ceremony,
as provided by Astrid:
It so happens that today, May 13, 2023, would have been Sander's (Alex's) 72nd birthday.
It would have been Astrid's scheduled time to FaceTime with him again,
as they did faithfully every other Saturday, with emails in-between.
The loss will be tremendous for all who loved and cared for him.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, dear Sander,
and may you now Rest in Peace.
Beautiful tribute to a wonderful friend and neighbour. Our little neighbourhood misses your presence and you will be kept in our hearts. Our thoughts, love, and condolences are with Astrid, Ginnie, and family. Hugs, Mike and Val
ReplyDeleteHow comforting to know, Mike and Val, that Sander had many friends there where he lived. It's part of what has given Astrid peace in her time of loss and mourning, knowing he was not alone there on your beautiful island!
DeleteAstrid & Ginnie,
ReplyDeleteWe are very sorry to hear about your loss. Like you, I lost my brother recently, in October. I’m happy to say he led a long and fulfilled life. I hope your brother could have said the same. Thank you also for the very wise poem.
Now that you mention it, Ted, I do remember your loss. We're at that age when it's happening with more and more frequency, of course. Of my own 6 remaining siblings, I often wonder who's next. Our brother, Bennett, died suddenly in 1996 of a heart attack. He was only 47! I had never heard this phrase before Sander's death but it seems so appropriate: "Life and Death are neighbors." We must continue to LIVE the best we can while there is death around us!
DeleteYes, and “at an age” when we think of our own mortality a bit more and a lot differently, tho it recently occurred to me that I am the family patriarch now — no cousins left of my generation. My recently deceased brother lost his son, age 58, in 2018 of heart failure with no prior warning but got to know of the birth of a great grandchild. And yes, life and death are neighbors. I see it every day when I walk. As I watched those baby ducks of a recent picture, one of the eight swam off into the weeds and was gone while mom and the rest went on up the river and oblivious, but we are not oblivious, and my brother lives on in me and in his children and grandchildren and in things he accomplished throughout his life. And yes, “as best we can.”
DeleteWat een mooi eerbetoon aan Sander heb je geschreven.
ReplyDeleteEn wat een goed voorgevoel had je om Astrid eerder naar Canada te sturen.
Het allerbeste met jullie in deze droevige dagen, die je weer op de grond zet en het gedicht van Astrid is daarom zo toepasselijk.
Toch een fijne zondag
Astrid and I kept saying "It's just like God" about how it all happened exactly as it did, Marjolein. It makes us realize how very important it is to listen to our "instincts" when we feel them because we never know! Thank you for being with us every step of the way, giving love and comfort, which means the world to us both.
DeleteOh this is beautiful. I'm typing through tears. The whole thing blows me away. The poem you picked is just perfect. I am grateful for the photos, so rare, and so special. May Astrid's heart continue to feel at peace, even while she grieves. It is a blessing to say good-bye to someone in this kind of peace. More than we can probably ever know.
ReplyDeleteI hate that my reply is so late, Ruth, (since I no longer get notice of comments here). Your words are so very touching and mean more than I can say. You can see why these are the stories I need to "immortalize" here at In Soul, so that we'll never forget them while they're fresh. THANK YOU. I'm glad to say that Astrid truly is at peace now. And to make things extra meaningful, she is keeping her iPhone notification on for the bi-weekly FaceTimes she had on Saturdays, so that we can take out the whiskey she brought back with her to share a taste of it each time "in remembrance." How's THAT for a "holy communion!"
DeleteOh I love the bi-weekly communion!!
DeleteOh Astrid and Ginnie I felt your deep loss and great sadness as I read this beautiful post. I offer my love and hugs and thoughts to you both. That poem was perfect and meant a lot to me. May you both know peace as you work through your grief.
ReplyDeleteThank you ever so kindly, Donna, for these heart-felt words of condolence. It means a lot to us both!
DeleteGinnie, looking at this post again Ginnie makes me go back to those wonderful 5 last days I had with Alex. Nobody can take that away from me. In that regard I feel blessed and at peace. How many people are granted those special moments. I am touched by all the wonderful comments and thoughts I received from friends. It helps to be not alone in this. This afternoon we will have a toast. RIP Alexander.... I miss you.....
ReplyDeleteSander knows, Astrid, what all of this has done to you and how much you will miss him. I'd like to believe he's smiling down on you, rooting for you on the sidelines the rest of your life. I'm so glad you had him so close to your heart for all these years. Many brothers and sisters never have that kind of camaraderie!
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