Our First 2022 Trip to America: The Cooperstown, NY, Wedding

Following the Part I post in Maine with sister, Ruth, and her Don, here's Part II covering the 3 days we were in Cooperstown, NY, for the wedding of our niece, Jennifer, on September 4th.

It's actually a pretty amazing story that gets more amazing the more I think about it!  And I have permission to share it!

Back in Pasadena, CA, when husband Bill and I were living there in 1981 with Amy and Mark, ages 9 and 6, my sister, Nancy, in Michigan was getting ready to birth a baby she was giving up for adoption.  The short version of the story is that in our Pasadena church we knew a couple, Georgia and Jonathan, who wanted to adopt a baby and who, when I connected them with Nancy, said YES!  They even flew to Michigan on the 5th day after the birth to receive the girl they named Jennifer, straight from Nancy's arms.

That was almost 41 years ago:  She was born on December 1, 1981. 

When Jennifer turned 18, Nancy was able to have "legal" contact with her, which she has had ever since, of course, connecting her to her larger Hart family.  In fact, in 2009, at Ruth's daughter's wedding, Jennifer, age 28, was there for this lineup of the 4 Hart sisters with their daughters:

SUSAN-Shari; GINNIE-Amy; RUTH-Lesley; NANCY-Jennifer.

Each of us sisters just happened to have one daughter each.  What a coinkydink!

Now, fast forward to September 2022 when said Jennifer gets married to Josh and when both biological and adoptive families get together for the celebration.

How's this for the venue:  The Barn on Hyder Creek!

[photo credit:  Nancy's DIL, Kathy]

Out in the middle of nowhere.  Don't you love it!

[photo credit:  Nancy's DIL, Kathy]

The wedding was on Sunday but we had access to the barn on Saturday to start the decorating.

Did I mention that that (the decorating) was Nancy's wedding gift to her daughter?!

But there was no way she could do it all by herself, so Ruth, Don, Astrid and I helped her all day,

Saturday and Sunday.  Wait till you see what her mind envisioned and then created!

(Nancy, btw, is the one in black, one year my junior.)

By late morning others of the Michigan family started arriving and checked us out.

(Our drive from Searsport, ME, was 450 miles on Friday; Michiganders had more like 640 miles!)

[photo credit:  Nancy's DIL, Kathy]

My main task on Saturday and Sunday, after the centers of the 10 tables were decorated, was to 

set all the 87 plates on the tables, according to the seating charts, with their adorable favors on top,

 created by Nancy.  The caterers would finish the table-setting before the 4:30 wedding on Sunday.

Before the 4:30 ceremony on Sunday, we gathered outside on the back porch,

and again afterwards, we did the same, with a fabulous spread of hors-d'oeuvres and drinks.

(Jonathan, the father, is center-right; Georgia, the mother, is bottom row in blue.)

[photo credit:  Astrid]

It was also a good time to hang our wishes for the couple on the Wish Tree inside.

Astrid's and my wish was the Dutch saying:  "A day not laughed is a day not lived."

The ceremony was "closed" to photography except for the official photographer,

but here's what it looked like beforehand.  When Nancy was walked to her seat up front, 

after which Georgia was seated next to her, I almost lost it.  How often does that happen...

the biological and adoptive mothers sitting next to each other at their daughter's wedding?!

My eyes brim with tears as I remember it!

After the ceremony and hors-d'oeuvres, we sat down at our designated tables for the meal.

In the same spot Jennifer and Josh had spoken their vows, they sat at their own special table.

And ate.  And danced.  And cut their cake.

[photo credit:  Nancy's DIL, Kathy, top and bottom-center; Paul Hart, nephew, bottom-left]

And we, too, ate.  And Watched.  And enjoyed the Hart Clan.

There were 18 of us from the Hart side of the family, filling 2 of the 10 tables.

Five of our 7 living sibs, with spouses, were present!  

Standing top-left is brother, Nelson, and top-right is brother, Jim.

Part of the Hart clan, btw, was Eric and Kathy,

Nancy's second son and daughter-in-law.

[photo credit:  Astrid]

And Jennifer is their half-sister!

[photo credit:  Astrid]

What a day, from beginning to end!

[video credit:  Ruth]

And YES, Astrid and I also danced!

And like so many others did, we sat on the wedding love-seat for our own photo.

The morning after, Monday, Don, Ruth, Astrid and I helped Nancy tear down the barn.

It took only 1.5 hours to do the major work, leaving the rest for Nancy and hubby Juan.

[photo credit:  Astrid]

Do you think Nancy was ready to crash?????

She's done many weddings in her decorating life but this was obviously her grandest.

Ruth and I, as 2 of her sisters, were so privileged and glad we could help.

[photo credit:  Astrid]

By 10:30 a.m., brother, Nelson, and his Elizabeth, came to depart with us back to Maine.

We rode with Don and Ruth until we stopped outside Portland to say good-bye.

From then till our flight back home on Wednesday, we stayed with N & E in Portland.

But it's the memory of Nancy and hubby Juan

as we left, on a rainy day, that stays with me.

Well done, dear sister.

(And now I'm tearing up again!)

England 2016: Farleigh Hungerford Castle

And now, finally, I'm at the end of our September 2016 trip to England!  Some things just take time, you know.  And all good things must come to an end, except in our memories.

"In a beautiful valley of the river Frome, on the border between Wiltshire and Somerset and only nine miles from Bath, stands the remains of Farleigh Hungerford Castle."

And so it was that Lisl drove me the 9 miles from her home to visit an English castle.

The drive itself was worth the trip, along with the cream tea (with scones) we ate along the way.

Sir Thomas Hungerford, first Speaker of the House of Commons,

 fortified the manor house between 1370-1380.

His family then lived there for 200 years.

Two towers and curtain walls, plus the chapel and crypt, remain.

As we entered the castle gate, we immediately discovered a wedding photo-shoot happening.
So we took a quick walk-about, playing Peeping Toms both in and out of wee drizzles.

Then off we went to the museum to get the lay of the land.

The areal view (bottom-left) gives the gist of the space we walked.

From the museum we walked first to the 17th century crypt below the Chapel of St. Anne.

It contains the lead coffins of 6 adults and 2 children, 4 with faces molded onto them.

"This is probably the best collection of 16th-17th century anthropomorphic coffins in the country."

Castles and their own wee chapels!  I have grown to love them.

It was originally the parish church of St. Leonard, later made the castle chapel (St. Anne's Chapel).

Look at those medieval wall paintings...the font and the pulpit!

It's still used for local events...like weddings?

The burial tombs are off to the side of the nave,

including Sirs Thomas and Edward Hungerford with their wives.

Notice the coats of arms on the walls.

I was particularly drawn to the ornate flat-topped tombs.

Lisl says the right-center tomb depicts the entire family, with children.

Back outside, we walked the outer courtyards with the remains of 2 towers.

The SW tallest tower, called the Lady Tower, is reputed to be where Hungerford 

imprisoned his wife, Lady Elizabeth, in the 1530's.

If these walls could talk!

Yes, I really was there (thanks to Lisl).

As we left the historic site, the sun, which had played with us all day, came out.

Just one of England's castles, of course, but in Lisl's own backyard

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Possibly a bit antithetically, these are the weathervanes we found that day.

Even Lisl is now on the lookout for me, she says.  :)

THANK YOU!

Virginia Hart Tiffan: Marriage Years (24-45)

Pre-Script:  There are many photo milestones missed in the following post due to a condo fire in 1994, when I lost almost everything I owned, including all the photo albums I took with me after our divorce.  Thankfully, loose photos were in shoe boxes in my storage unit in another building.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Following on the heels of my last post, I really did leave Peru and my Wycliffe Bible Translators stint to come home and marry Bill Tiffan, from U. of Michigan days.  We had met each other in our Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship group on campus.  I was a year ahead of him and was very aware when he joined the group.  But throughout our dating years, I was very muddled about my emotions and made the decision to pursue my Wycliffe goal...with the understanding that if I ever "changed my mind," I'd let Bill know.  It took only 6 months.

I arrived home in early July, 1969.  Our wedding day was 6 September 1969.

In those two months I made the 6 bridesmaid's dresses and got ready.
Sister Nancy begged me to wear her wedding dress, changing the accent color from pink to yellow.

We were married by my dad in his Baptist church in Grand Ledge, MI.

Sadly, no pics of the wedding party, but this is my honeymoon outfit made by sister Nancy.

We lived in Ann Arbor, MI, our first year, the city of the U. of Michigan where we were students.

I was a desk clerk and a nursing aid at the Mercywood [psychiatric] Hospital that year.
Bill worked as a civil engineer with a man from our former Inter-Varsity days.

 My family of origin now included Bill.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

A year later we moved to Columbia, SC, where Bill took a year of Theology

at Columbia Bible College (CBC), now Columbia Int'l University.

Our plan was to join Wycliffe Bible Translators (WBT) as a married couple.

While Bill was at CBC, I was a zip-cataloguer of rare books at the McKissick Library

(now a museum) at the University of South Carolina.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

But instead of returning to WBT, we joined Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship (IVCF),

an interdenominational ministry to college/university students worldwide.

Bill began campus staff in the Fall of 1971, assigned to college campuses in San Diego, CA.

As his wife, I could choose outside employment but chose freedom to join him in special activities.

 Both of our children were born in San Diego (the La Mesa suburb, to be exact).

I was pregnant in 1972, left, with Amy, and right, with Mark, in 1975.

Amy Ruth Tiffan was born on 30 September 1972,

weighing 6lbs. 15oz, after 13 hours of false labor followed by inducement.

She was an absolute charm in every way!

Being a mother was one of the best things I ever did in those early years.

 Unbeknownst to us, this was the beginning of a million-dollar family.

And once again, my family of origin grew!

What is it about school pictures (in this case, Kindergarten to tenth grade)!

Amy's senior year at Norcross High School, 1989-90.

And Glamour Shots to boot, in 1992, 2 years after my divorce.
In 1994 she graduated from Flagler College in St. Augustine, FL,
with a degree in Psychology.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

 Due on Amy's 3rd birthday, Mark Daniel Tiffan arrived 6 days later, on 6 October 1975,
weighing 8lbs. 10oz, ready to birth before I had finished signing the paperwork.

  He, too, was a charmer!
When I cut his hair after he turned one, I finally had my own hair cut, too,
in the Dorthy Hamill wedge haircut famous at that time.
From that point on, my hair got shorter and shorter.

At some point during this time, Bill and I had our first of 3 marriage-counseling series.
It was becoming an issue that I kept falling in love with women.
I don't remember anything about the counseling, other than that "You can't be gay and Christian."
So what was wrong with me?

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

 After seven years in San Diego, we moved to Pasadena, CA,
because Bill had become IVCF's Area Director of Southern California.

While in Pasadena, we enjoyed the company of sister Ruth's family part of the time,
while they prepared for their own ministry in Turkey.
Here Ruth's youngest, Peter, enjoyed a good joke on Mark.

Amy and Mark had so many fabulous experiences because of Bill's work in IVCF.
Every year we went to college camps as a family in Michigan's Upper Penninsula,
Colorado's Bear Trap Ranch, and/or Campus by the Sea on Catalina Island.

 How could I not love them to death!

By now, we were a real million-dollar family!
And I had started to hang wallpaper professionally on the side.

At some point during this time, Bill and I had our second of 3 marriage-counseling series.
No matter where we lived, I kept falling in love with women.
The new therapist agreed with the first, that "You can't be gay and Christian."
But this time he had my mom join us from Michigan, to get more insight.
The "problem" with me was somehow connected to her, he was sure of it.

 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

 After 5 years in Pasadena, Bill was promoted to IVCF's Campus Director of the entire USA,
which made moving to the Madison, WI, headquarters a necessity.
I continued my side business of hanging wallpaper,
even at the IVCF headquarters.

Mark was coming into his own....

until our divorce, starting his 10th year of high school, in 1990.

Mark's senior year at Norcross High School, 1992-93.

 In 1997 he graduated from the University of Georgia in Athens, GA,

with a degree in Computer Science.

At some point during this time, Bill and I had our third of 3 marriage-counseling series.
I was still falling in love with women.
This time, however, the therapist said to Bill, in front of me:  

"Ginnie gets her warmth, fulfillment and satisfaction from women.

What are you going to go about it?"

(Interestingly, the question was never posed to me.)

 Bill made the decision that he still wanted to stay married but with the "ultimatum"

that I would never fall in love with another woman again.

It was his call.  It never occurred to me that I also had a voice.

And thus began a 9-month suicidal mission I didn't know how to shake.

Every night I'd walk Vester the dog and try to figure out how I'd "do it."

I was crying off-and-on for days at a time.

Nobody knew.

During this time Bill also made the decision to leave ministry, after 3 years in Madison.

He found a job in Atlanta, GA, through a friend.

 After finding a church in Atlanta, I immediately fell in love with our church's choir director.

But we lived together as a family for three years before we both realized "it" was never going away.

I still remember walking the neighborhood, hand-in-hand, talking about our inevitable divorce.

This time, I was not suicidal.  The handwriting was on the wall and it was finally okay.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Now I look back on those years at all our family photos:

1977:  Amy 4, Mark 1

1979:  Amy 6, Mark 3

1980:  Amy 7, Mark 4

1981:  Amy 8, Mark 5

1985:  Amy 13, Mark 10

1988:  Amy 16, Mark 13

I look at the last 2 photos above and see the sadness, especially on Bill's face.

I cry anew as I write this, with the memories washing back over me.

Amy, too, knew.  She "knew" since she was 12 that something was different about me.

But Bill and I both decided to wait till she went to college before making our move.

I think we both would do it earlier if we had the chance again, because of her.
Mark had no clue what was going on and was totally blindsided.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I do NOT want to end on a sad note with the above family photos.

So I leave you with the photos that are the most soulful of this "middle" stint of my life:

At the end of 1975, shortly after Mark was born.

For me, this says it all:  a tear and a smile.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Post-Script:  While many pages are left out of this synthesis, this is the only story I can tell.  Bill, Amy and Mark are witness to the same history, but each with their separate versions.  

This is MY Story.

It's a story of tortured sorrow, guilt and shame, even though I know it's not Bill's fault or my own.  It's a cross I still bear to this day, not because of the divorce from a man I loved and respected as much as the break-up of my/our family.

Why I was born and lived in one time and place rather than another (when perhaps damage control might have been possible?), I will never know.  Was it my destiny?  It was as it was.

In the end, these 25 years later, as I turn 70, it is a Cross and a Crown.  A tear and a smile.  I don't know any other way to see it.  In spite of or because of (?) immense sorrow, the Joy overcomes it all.  And I can now say it is as it is.  I can be at peace with the pain and loss...because Love really does win in the end.

 

(to be continued....)